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Insights on self-sabotage!

Wendy was right, she was very attractive

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Wendy had told me Susan was attractive, so I was looking forward to meeting her. "The weather-man says the weekend will be lovely," I said as I called, "Do you have a bike? Would you like to go for a ride on Saturday?"

We'd been introduced by my assistant at work, who knew I was not dating anyone, and neither was her sister. It was our first date, and Susan turned out to be very attractive indeed.

The weather cooperated, it was sunny and not too hot. We rode along the shady path by the river through the park, and then relaxed on the grass to enjoy the picnic I'd brought for us.

beautiful woman on bike
It was a warm and lazy day, I was feeling amorous and made a gentle pass at her. The circumstances seemed perfect, but romance needs both to say yes. Susan had hardly met me and probably just wanted to get to know me first, so she ducked.

After a delicious lunch we continued the ride. Then it came time to go our separate ways. She'd had a good time and I could see she wanted to see me again. She put her bike on its stand out of the way so we could enjoy a hug and perhaps a kiss.

But I was disappointed that she had declined my advance earlier, so I passed on her unstated invitation. I stayed holding my bike between us!

We chatted pleasantly for several minutes, but I didn't arrange anything further. I neither called her nor ever saw her again.

If I had kissed her when she was ready, who knows where we might have ended up? I wanted a romantic relationship with her, she was available, yet my behaviour ensured we both lost out.

This was just Self-Sabotage

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My mind used to tell me that revenge is sweet. If you do something I don't like, then I should do the same to you so you can also see how it feels.

Looking back today at this experience with Susan, I really missed out. She was willing, I wanted her, and yet I declined! Believing my thoughts without question has let me to behave in some very weird ways!

We all do what we like to think will get us the results we want, yet mistakes in perspective happen. Even the opposite manifests from time to time, as happened to me here. This suggests that self-sabotage is a ongoing problem!

Now I know you wouldn’t follow my example, you understand that it's foolish to repeat actions which don't have desirable consequences. I no longer even blush when say I've done so once or twice. Perhaps on more than a couple of occasions. :-)

But have you ever had an argument with your partner, when all you wanted was to be friends or make love instead? Or argued with a colleague or a friend which brought unwanted tension rather than the results you desired?

I don't know how many great opportunities I've overlooked by such counter-productive behavior. How often have I believed and then taken action on such untrue thoughts?

If any of this seems familiar, and you want more desirable results, then read on - this program to become more effective is what you need.

How to Achieve More

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Overcoming self-sabotage is one of the most interesting challenges of all. And certainly the most productive in terms of results. Then you simply need to choose from the available desirable outcomes. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it!
large selection of delicious food
Think of the results you could have achieved if you hadn't made the mistakes you've made in the past. This will give you a small taste of the benefits. Now imagine the entire meal!

Wisdom recommends you put more energy into becoming creative. You focus on doing what works more often. You recreate your internal context so that you can be more effective at producing what you really want, no matter what it is.

Yet everybody has a self-sabotage mechanism (ssm). It works all the time, and its job is to bring you arduous circumstances, so when you get more desirable ones you can really appreciate them. To know one thing, you also need to know its opposite.

This suggests that self-sabotage is not wrong, although it generally results in less than appealing circumstances. As Arianna Huffington so insightfully observed:

"We need to accept that… failure is not the opposite
of success, it's part of success."

Some Consequences are More Desirable than Others

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All actions have consequences, and some consequences are more desirable than others. To end up with more desirable circumstances, you need to overcome your self-sabotage. You already know that life gives you plenty of opportunity to practice!

Self-sabotage is subtle. The self-sabotage mechanism has all sorts of strategies, some of which you may recognize - perhaps even intimately (smile, big smile). One very common strategy is to hijack your mind and give you untrue thoughts.

Life becomes far more enjoyable when you learn to distinguish between the thoughts which are true, and the untrue ones. You will find the newness, the freshness, the variety in change enjoyable!

Making changes may sound like something to avoid, to leave until later. But that thought itself is pure self-sabotage. Believe it or not, overcoming self-sabotage is arguably the only game in town when you want more peace, love, and calm in your life.

How to Recognize Self-Sabotage

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It's simple, yet simple doesn’t mean easy. Self-sabotage is involved when you know what to do, yet either you don’t do it, or you don't get the results you should get.

The lack of results suggests that, to use that well-known phrase from Werner Erhard:

"There is something I do not know, the knowing
of which could change everything."

So learn about self-sabotage. The problem is so wide-spread, and so complex, that the whole thing has been simplified by Life Strategies. They've broken down the different perspectives about life and how it works into hundreds of small, more understandable chunks. These different perspectives are called koans.

This approach simplifies the task of addressing your context - where you come from when you do what you do - rather than trying to change what you do itself, your content.

Koans help you apply what you’ve discovered to achieve your desired results. This step by step approach enables you to become more effective and hence increases wisdom.

Yes, I hear you say, but what does all this mean in practical terms?

The Natural Law - Energy Energizes

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Let's use dieting as an example. It's reported that most people who start a diet weigh the same - or even more - a year later. This is because they put their energy into losing weight, into not being fat, into how many extra pounds they can lose.

But this just energizes what they don't want!
couple jogging in forest
Rather put your focus on a healthy life-style. Being fit. Looking slender and trim. To be able to do whatever you want without any physical strain. To live longer. To enjoy exercise, etc. etc.

It’s far more productive to put your energy into what you do want. You already know that most people recommend you focus on the positive rather than on the negative. This is why.

An important natural law is that Energy Energizes, so it's also a koan. No matter what you put energy into, it increases. This is just the way nature works. When you understand this you recognize that saying you don't want to be overweight puts energy into what you don't want - being overweight!

The Energy Principle affects everyone's life. So put your energy into what you do want instead. If you're getting too much of what you don't want, your misuse of this law may be a large part of the reason.

Yet you perhaps think that you already understand the Energy Principle - which just goes to demonstrate how much self-sabotage is an ongoing part of your life. Stop here for a moment and think about this - very, very carefully.

There's No Better Time to Start than Now

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Overcoming self-sabotage will take work. It's very similar to getting fit, or going on a diet. You know you need to do it, and you need to do it when you have energy.

Just like losing weight, there's a temptation to believe the misleading promises of the many programs which insist you can lose twenty or fifty pounds by the end of the month without any effort.

But their lack of success gives the lie to such promises. Scratching an itch doesn't remove the cause, although it may alleviate the effect. You really want long-term results rather than a temporary fix.

You're not gullible. You wouldn't believe me if I told you becoming more effective doesn't take hard work anyway! We don't believe in believing, you need real knowledge instead -- and real knowledge comes with experience.

Achieving success in any area invariably means you have to surmount challenges. Although the downhill path is far easier, the view from the top of the mountain is better than at the bottom.

Yet if you go downhill to start with, you'll eventually have to go back up! This lengthens the journey as well as making it harder. So ignore the temptation and go uphill when you’re motivated to start. This means right now! Remember that:

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life!"

Wanna Reduce your Stress?

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Choose your next step right now:

Food for Thought

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"He who gains a victory over other men is strong; but
he who gains a victory over himself is all powerful."

Lao Tzu, Confucian philosopher (b 604 BC)


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